Strange Things | Evil Children, Part Deux

Evil Children, Part Deux

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:29

Did I mention that children are contrary? I'm sure I did. My daughter will argue with anyone over anything. Even if she's basically agreeing with you, she doesn't realize this because she's too busy arguing with you. The girl loves to argue. And she's very, very stubborn. To the point where it's ridiculous. But she'll argue that as well. A conversation/argument between us yesterday:

Her: Flipping through a book, America Is, that is about-- duh-- America and its 50 states. She stumbles upon a map and is confused the the two states in boxes over by the Pacific Ocean. She turns to me, frowning-- her most common expression since birth, I'm the only woman to have ever had a frowning baby-- and asks, "Mom, how many states are there?"

Me: Without even looking at the book, I reply, "Fifty."

Her: Shaking her head and rolling her eyes at my obvious stupidity, she sighs loudly and points to Alaska and Hawaii, "But what about those?"

Me: Glancing over quickly to see what she's pointing at. "Yeah, they're part of the fifty."

Her: "NO!"

Me: Shocked at her outburst, I turn my full attention toward my youngest and inquire, "No?"

Her: "No!" Her face is all scrunched up and turning red. She points again to Alaska and Hawaii. "Why are they there?"

Me: "Because Alaska is waaay up there and Hawaii is waaay over there and they couldn't fit all that onto one page. So they put them in little boxes here. But they are part of the United States."

Her: "Ooooh.. Ok." She looks back down at the map again. The frown is creeping back onto her face. "So they're 52, right?"

Me: Rubbing my temples as the faint throbbing of an impending headache can be felt. "No, they are part of the fifty. There are 48 here. There are two there. 48 + 2 = 50. Fifty states."

Her: "They can't be fifty! They can't! What about those two? Why are they there?!"

Me: Swiftly losing my cool. "I told you! 48 here. Alaska up there! Hawaii over there! That's two more! 48 + 2 = 50! Fifty!! There are fifty states!"

Her: Glaring at me. "Not fifty!"

Me: Growling, "Count them if you don't believe me.."

So she scurries off for a minute or two. I then hear crying. I get up to inspect. Yes, I know. I should've just taken a detour to the nearest bar. Had a shot or two or ten and then continued my argument with my daughter. But I'm not always bright. And I'm not a raging alcoholic....yet.

Me: "Why are you crying?"

Her: "I keep trying to count, but then I lose track. How many states are there again? 42?"

Me: Facepalming, praying for something to intervene before I kill the child. "50. Fifty states."

Her: "But what about...?"

She never finished that sentence. Or if she did, I wasn't there. I did an abrupt about-face and marched on out of that room. I needed to save my sanity and that child's life.

And she still doesn't believe there are fifty states.

Stupid Alaska and Hawaii.

Unless you're from there, then I'm sure they're quite lovely an' all. But really, can you blame me? Really?